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    I notice that people care
so much about celebrities
that they are willing to sign
a petition to get one of
them out of jail.

by Chad W. Larsen    
June 2007    

   
   


I would consider myself a pretty observant person. I like to sit on the bench at the mall while my wife is trying on clothes and watch people walk by. I study their actions, their attitudes and am guilty of eavesdropping on a few conversations. My obsession with stand-up comedy has taught me to notice the little things in life that everyone says, sees, or acts, and find the humor in it.

"Things I Notice." A column bringing the unnoticed and back burner-placed quirks of the world to the forefront. A written stand-up routine, if you will.

                         Things I Notice: In Pop Media

   
   

-- I notice that there are a lot of people who might be offended by this subject and my bashing of it because they support the denial of privacy for public figures. My answer is: don't worry about it, my opinion should mean nothing to you. I am merely expressing my views on this subject and am in no way trying to mock people who support the forever watchful eye, via camera lens, of a human being. Keyword there: human being. Yes, they are celebrities, yes you saw them in a movie, but don't you think it's a little bit petty to pay money to see a picture of said celebrity walking their dog in a park?

-- I notice that society, by buying the tabloids and watching the tabloid TV shows, is supporting the very profession that is the leading cause of complete meltdown amongst celebrities. Britney Spears freaked out, shaved her head and eventually went into rehab because photographers would never give her a moment of privacy. The world was obsessed with the break up of Princess Di and Prince Charles. They would buy any and every magazine that had her photo on it to read up about what she's been up to and who she is dating at the time. Well guess what? She is dead now because people couldn't get enough pictures of the Princess and her boyfriend, Dodi Al Fayed. She died when her car was trying to get away from the paparazzi chasing her on their motorcycles.

-- I notice that 80% of the things you read in tabloids are not even true. A lot of the stories are created from second or even third-hand knowledge, or from "sources close to Nicole Richie," which is actually the lady at Starbucks who makes her super-skim, half calf, no foam, fat free, sugar free, mocha-choca-latte-ya ya, every morning. The other 20% of the stories are celebrities commenting that rumors about them are not true. So basically you are getting no information.

-- I notice that people care so much about celebrities that they are willing to sign a petition to get one of them out of jail. I'm talking about the whole "Free Paris" thing. First of all, she became a celebrity because of tabloids. Without them, she is nothing. She got to be in movies, TV shows, and even make an album because she was camera friendly. Second, she was arrested for drunk driving and violated


probation by continuing to drive without a license. Why in the world should she be let out of jail?!? If that was any Joe Shmoe, he would lose his job, his family, become an alcoholic, spend the rest of his life trying to get back on his feet, and lose the respect of everyone he knows. Paris gets a petition for her release from jail, 5 million more viewers for the premiere of "The Simple Life 3: Paris goes to Shawshank," and most likely a book deal where she writes about how she started a business of giving inmates makeovers.

-- I notice that when my parents were children, they were amazed to say that they now live in a world were man has walked on the moon. I get to tell my kids that when I was young I got to say, "I now live in a world where man can listen to Alec Baldwin's voicemails."

-- I notice that we live in world so obsessed with celebrities' lives that we have run out of celebrities to be obsessed with. Enter Reality TV. We need more people to gossip about and intervene in their private life. We need a wider variety of people out on bike rides to take pictures of, than we currently have. I will ask you this: Do you really care who is dating who on "The Hills"? Do you really care what that person wore to a Glamour Magazine benefit last week?

-- I noticed that thanks to People Magazine, Entertainment Tonight, and the E! Network, celebrities now use divorce, sex tapes, and rehab as a way to promote movies. "Hello and good evening. I'm Mary Hart. Tonight we start with breaking news of Brad Pitt committing adultery, thus leading to divorce from his wife, entering rehab for his drug use, and releasing a sex tape on youtube. But first, let's take a look at Brad's upcoming hit, "Ocean's Thirteen" set to release this summer!!"

Like I stated right off the bat, my opinion means nothing. If this subject is a form of entertainment for you, who am I to say you shouldn't enjoy yourself with a new magazine? The women in my family love it. Great. I'm not gonna lie, I've even checked out the latest issue of Us Weekly from time to time while I'm in the bathroom spawning sewer trout. I just think that society is tap dancing along the line of decency and privacy for celebrities and is a prime suspect as to why some celebrities lose control of their life.